New men’s group that doesn’t just talk about ‘footy and s**t’

By Lydia Pedrana

A new community group that offers men a safe space to share and be heard in a confidential environment is coming to Orange.

The Men’s Tables, made up of between eight and 12 members, meet for monthly dinners to connect and discuss the highs and lows of life, ultimately creating a greater sense of belonging and camaraderie.

The concept of The Men’s Table (TMT), which is now a registered not-for-profit organisation, was started by a group of 12 men in Sydney who decided to have dinner with the intention of connecting with other males and chatting about life.

Today, they still meet every month to talk, laugh and share, and have created similar Tables for men all around the country.

Sydneysider Eric Balinghasay has been attending a Men’s Table in West Ryde for almost two years, and after admiring the work of the organisation he began volunteering as a regional host and marketing officer.

Responsible for building groups in Orange and Dubbo, Mr Balinghasay said the Tables have the potential to have huge impact in regional areas.

“The mission of The Men’s Table is about men supporting men; we want to build healthy men, health masculinities and healthy communities,” he said.

“The Western NSW Local Health District reached out to The Men’s Table requesting if we could consider building local Tables because there are not many community groups for men, and a couple which had emerged in the past years during the bushfires no longer exist.

“With increasing incidences of isolation, there is a need for more community groups like these and we had a very positive response when asked in social media community pages in Dubbo and Orange if they wanted a new community for men locally.”

There are a few house rules, or table manners, expected at the Tables: No Fixing (only giving advice when asked for); you must uphold the concept of The Vault (a man’s story is his to share, nobody else’s); and ‘No talking about footy and s**t’ (as these are conversations you can have easily with others outside the Table setting).

With males accounting for 75 per cent of all suicides in Australia, Mr Balinghasay said these Tables help men realise they are not alone.

“Men are often accused of not talking or expressing what they feel, but based on what we observe in The Men’s Table, men do talk and express what they feel when there is a safe space to share where there is no judgment, fear of reprisal or even ‘fixing’.

“The Men’s Table provides a place where a man can just talk, and other men learn how to listen with care and compassion.”

For him personally, it provides “regularity and consistency in what can be a chaotic, messy life”.

The first step to joining The Men’s Table is to attend an “Entrée, or introductory dinner, to suss out whether it’s something you are interested in.

The Orange Entrée is scheduled for Monday, May 8, 6-9pm at Hotel Canobolas, and there’ll be one in Dubbo on Tuesday, May 9, at 6-9pm at the Milestone Hotel.

To register, visit www.themenstable.org.

For the initiative to be a success, Mr Balinghasay urged the community to spread the word – tell others, especially men, about the Entrees and encourage them to sign up.

“Some men just need some nudging, and those who do sign up, end up thanking the nudgers afterwards!”