We live in a world where health gurus, fitness experts, influencers and life coaches expect us to use fear as motivational fuel. “If you don’t get out and crush those goals, you’re going to waste your life,” they warn. "We all have the same 24 hours in a day!" 

This kind of talk works for very few people for several reasons. Firstly, when we're not in any immediate danger, we are not primarily motivated by fear – we're driven by habit. Secondly, we don't all have the same time available to us. My friend, who works full-time, is a single mother and cares for a disabled son has far less free time than I do, regardless of there being 24 hours in a day. 

Most importantly, motivation can fade – it's unreliable. I agree with behaviourists who say that motivation follows action. When you get yourself to take action, even when you aren’t initially motivated to do so, you will find that your motivation automatically increases over time. 

On that basis, when we have a goal we want to meet, we need to completely forget about motivating ourselves: it’s simply not a useful way to achieve goals. Instead, we need to implement what I’ve coined as ACCT: Acceptance, Cut-it-down, Consistency, and Thoughts (who doesn’t love a handy acronym?). I’ll explain each point briefly below.  

Acceptance 

Acceptance is about working from exactly where we are. If a person wants to get fit but hasn't done a push-up or walked a flight of stairs in a year, starting with the Arnold Schwarzenegger workout isn’t going to be sustainable. 

Acceptance also means accepting your limitations (including time) and working within them. It’s also about focusing less on what you can’t do, and shifting your focus on what you can do. 

Cut It Down

Instead of setting yourself a mammoth feat, you can look at your goal, break it down into smaller chunks, then work on turning those small chunks into habits. Focusing on building habits is important because when life gets tough – and it always does – we don’t rise to our goals, we fall to our habits. 

If we go back to the gym example, focusing on incrementally building new habits might look like this: “I go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday after work. I’m only obliged to stay for 10 minutes.” Or it could look like this: “I am doing 10 squats every night before I have a shower.” 

Once the behaviour becomes habitual, then you can focus on building up the time and even add new habits. One thing to remember when you’re incrementally building new habits is to only focus on the step in front of you. 

Consistency

Building a new tiny habit, which should be our objective when we’re trying to change something in our lives, requires consistency. However, when I speak about consistency, I’m not talking about an all-or-nothing approach. 

“Never miss twice” is a concept that James Clear wrote about in his book, ‘Atomic Habits’, and one that I say to my clients (and myself!) a lot. It simply means to avoid the second mistake rather than giving up because of the first. 

Thoughts

That nagging, worrying, self-deprecating voice in your head just wants to keep you safe, but neuroscience research shows that it can create shame. Shame actually shuts down the decision-making centre of our brains, leading us to make poorer choices. 

We can get out of the shame spiral by listening to our thoughts and practising self-compassion. This means rather than fearing or fighting the critical inner voice, we listen to it, then gently shift the narrative. 

As an example, your inner dialogue could say, “This is pointless, I’m spending so little time on this, I’m never going to reach my goal.” To which you might respond: “I’m just focusing on building this habit for now. Life always changes, new possibilities open up. I’ll focus on the next step later.” 

Summing it up

Motivation can’t be the main focus when trying to create lasting change, because it is unreliable. Instead, focus on incremental habit change. Be realistic about your starting point, implement your plans with consistency and self-compassion, and be proud of yourself for moving towards your goal.